Recent events have inspired me to write one of my all-too-infrequent posts.  First, my family suffered a terrible loss.  Second, I have heard from many old friends in anticipation of my 45th year high school reunion.  And third, I reconnected with a friend I have not seen in several years.  These have caused me to reflect on the meaning and importance of friendship and of the consequences of the choices we make.  I believe that what you are at this moment in time is the sum total of the choices you have made and the quality of your relationships.

In a time of dark personal tragedy, I found that my true friends were and are my comfort, my light, and my shield, while others I thought were my friends retreated into the shadows.  True friends give, they don’t take.  They share, they don’t covet.  They reach out, they don’t withdraw.  They love you even when you don’t have your make-up on (no, I don’t wear make-up, but you get the idea).   One of my true friends recently posted on Facebook that life is like riding on an elevator.  On the way to the top, you have to let some people off.  I know of what she speaks.  However, that’s not the entire ride.  When those elevator doors open, other people also get on.  That’s one of the choices we all make…who to let on the elevator.

With my reunion coming up, I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with some friends I’ve known since grade school (Facebook is great for this, I have discovered).  Old friends are your historians.  They remind you of who you were.  They are the foundation upon which your life is built.  I can’t wait to see them, gray hair (if any) and all.

Your present friends are your conscience.  They reflect who you are.  They accept you for who you are but let you know when you are heading off course.  They laugh with you, cry with you, eat with you, drink with you, and share secrets, or at least a cigar, with you.

Your future friends are your hope.  They are a window into what you will become.  They may be very different from your old and present friends, but they will join your circle and fit right in. You won’t know who those new friends are until you let them onto the elevator.  Choose wisely and you will be richer for it.

I promised myself that I would write one post per month and it’s been a year since I last posted, so I’m definitely not going to talk about prioritizing and time management. I am going to write about how to interview for a job.

These are obviously difficult economic times, and finding a good job can be very tough.  In such times, there are a large number of very qualified applicants for every position, so it is more important than ever to differentiate yourself from those who are competing with you for those positions. I interview hundreds of candidates every year, and I am amazed at how unprepared some people are to sell themselves in an interview.  Here are some ways to help you stand out in an interview.

First, make a good first impression.  That means being well groomed and alert.  A few years ago, I was asked to interview several management candidates in Oklahoma City.  The attire for the meetings was business casual.  When the first candidate arrived, he was dressed in a flannel shirt over a dirty tee shirt, cargo shorts, white socks, worn out sneakers, and a faded baseball cap.  I was dressed in an oxford cloth shirt and pressed khakis.  He acted surprised and said, “Oh, I was told the dress was casual.”  Not a good first impression.  Dress like the people you will be talking to.  In today’s environment, a suit is not always necessary and may give the impression that you are trying too hard or haven’t done your homework.

Second, know your personal and professional history.  This seems so obvious, it’s ridiculous, but you’d be surprised.  You need to be able to recite clearly and concisely your academic background and your job history, including dates and important events, without looking at your resume.  After all, it’s your life and you should know the details of it.

Third, be honest in general, but especially in assessing your strengths and weaknesses.  Every interviewer asks questions about this and if you don’t have a good answer it really looks bad.  It helps to mention how your strengths have benefited you in the past, how they can be assets in the position you are applying for, and what you are doing to work on your weaknesses.

Fourth, explain your accomplishments.  By that I mean what you have done to have a positive impact on people, processes, and/or profits.  In any company, there are income producing people, cost saving people, and people who support the other two groups.  If you are not an income producing person, you are often considered overhead, so you better be able to show how you can make or save a company money.  This is where you can really distance yourself from your competition if you do it right.

Fifth, be passionate and assertive.  Companies love people who are passionate about their work and who stand up for their beliefs.  If you are challenged, be polite but firm.  Weakness never looks good.

Sixth, ask for the job.  Let the interviewer know you are interested and reiterate how you can benefit the company.  Also, at the end of the interview, ask the interviewer if he or she has all the information needed from you to make an informed hiring decision.

Finally, show gratitude and follow up with a hand written note.  Almost nobody makes the effort any more, but it does make an strong statement and, again, helps you stand out.

Good luck in your search.

Recently, I did something I’d been putting off for a long time.  I joined Facebook.  Within a couple of days I had reconnected with over a hundred of my high school friends and acquaintances.  Still not sure how they found me so fast.  As I read some of their posts on our high school group wall, I was struck by their recollections of their high school experiences.  Taught me a lot and got me thinking.   One thing I learned was the choir members were having way more fun in the choir room than they were letting on back then!  I also learned that high school was a miserable, even traumatizing, time for some, and they were happy to share that their lives had gotten better after high school.  I was a typical oblivious teenager in high school and had a great time, so I was unaware of their pain.

These heart-wrenching confessions got me thinking about the people I grew up with and have met in the years that followed.  David, the obvious leader in the 6th grade, was anonymous by high school.  Barry, the best baseball player in the 9th grade, never played varsity baseball.  Jack, the senior class president, faded into obscurity.  Conversely, Jane, who went largely unnoticed in high school, achieved success in the entertainment industry.  Rob, popular and a member of the golf team, made it big in banking.  When I interview candidates for various positions, I ask them about their academic and business histories and their biggest accomplishments.  To my amazement, many people go back ten or more years to find their biggest accomplishments.  Others have a string of accomplishments leading right up to the present.  In watching my children and their friends as they grew up, I noticed the same phenomenon.  Some kids seemed to hit their peak in elementary school, others in middle school, still others in high school.  Most have continued to grow as the years have gone on, but for some there was a time when it was the best it was ever going to be, and that time has passed.  I think of this as the “Al Bundy syndrome.”  On the TV show “Married With Children,” Al Bundy, the patriarch, was so unhappy with his life that he kept telling the story of how he scored four touchdowns in one high school game (twenty years ago).

Unfortunately,  you seldom recognize a peak moment while it is occurring and you almost never recognize THE peak moment in your life until well after it has passed.  As I said, not everyone hits a peak and slides downhill from there the rest of their lives.  Many people continue to learn, grow, accomplish, teach, love, and create throughout their lives.  For those who play the song “Glory Days” in their minds over and over, the future never looks as rosy as the past.

It can be a real joy to remember the good times of the past, but it’s more fun and rewarding to make new memories in the present.

There seems to be a disturbing trend in our society toward avoiding personal responsibility and assigning blame.  It appears that few people are willing to admit that whenever something bad happens to them or they get caught doing something wrong that their behavior might have had something to do with it.  Instead, they blame their parents, their teachers, their bosses, their spouses, their children, the “system,” anybody but themselves.

What you are today is the sum total of the choices you have made and the quality of the relationships you have.  If you did not do well in school, it’s more likely that you didn’t study hard enough or didn’t attend classes than it is that you had a lousy teacher.  I have known many teachers in my life, and without exception, they are here to teach.  However, for education to occur, both a teacher and a willing student are required.

If you are not doing well in your job, it’s more likely that you don’t have the proper skills or motivation to do that job properly than it is that you have a lousy boss.  Have you asked for additional training? Do you learn from your coworkers? Do you go into work determined to do the best job you can?

Are there lousy teachers and bosses? Absolutely!  But if you have had a long history of lousy teachers and bosses, maybe it’s not them, it’s you.

I have had the privilege of working with many successful business people and professionals in my career, and one of the characteristics these successful people share is a willingness to accept responsibility for outcomes, whether good or bad.  They tend to be humble and share credit when things go well, and they invariably take responsibility when things do not go so well.  These people are secure in themselves and their abilities.

Insecure people, even those who have achieved high places in business and government, insist on taking as much of the credit as possible when things go well and shifting the blame to others or plead ignorance when things go south.

It’s never too late to take responsibility.  Begin by admitting when you have made a mistake or a bad decision, when you have done harm to someone else, or when you have behaved in an illegal, unethical, or dishonest manner.  Reassess your life and look back at the choices you made that got you to where you are today.  When you make better choices, you get better outcomes.  Only by taking responsibility can you change the course of your life and gain control.  Success and contentment will be your reward.

This is a true story, as I remember it.   When I was in college, I was introduced to a man named Rick through a mutual friend.  Rick was a tool and die maker, working in one of the small machine shops common in the Cleveland area in the sixties.  Rick was married and had four small children.  They lived in a cozy house in a blue collar neighborhood.

Rick was actually a bit more than your average tool and die maker.  He was an expert on a machine that made very specialized parts with extremely close tolerances.  Few people in the field were better at this particular skill than Rick.  Rick’s long time neighbor, Ted, was very familiar with Rick’s skill, since Ted sold machined parts to factories throughout northeastern Ohio.  Through his connections, Ted found out that one of the specialized machines that Rick worked on was for sale.  Ted proposed a business idea to Rick, in which Ted would purchase the machine, set up a business,  Rick would produce the specialized parts, Ted would sell them, and Rick would be a part owner of the business through his sweat equity.

Opportunity had knocked on Rick’s door and he  had to make a decision.  Even though his company did not provide a retirement plan or any guarantee of future work, Rick was making enough money to support his family and pay his bills.  He thought about the long hours working for someone else, the lack of benefits, and the inability to provide the extras his family would enjoy.  He also thought that if he quit his job and embarked on this new venture, and the venture failed, he would be left worse off than he was before.

Rick finally made his decision.  He thanked Ted for the offer but declined, saying that the risk was too great for him to take.  So what happened?  Ted found someone else who could operate the specialized machine, offered him the same deal, opened the business, and within a few years Ted and his new partner were well on their way to being millionaires.

In the years that followed, Rick and his family remained in their cozy house, he continued to work for the same company, he lived paycheck to paycheck, and developed a bitter attitude about life in general.

Did Rick make the right decision? From an economic standpoint, obviously not.  However, it’s not just about the money.  Starting a business is a thrill, a challenge that heightens your physical and mental faculties like few other activities.  Sure, many new businesses fail, but the quest teaches valuable lessons.  Most successful entrepreneurs fail many times before they succeed, but they keep plugging away.  Owning a successful business provides a person with a level of independence, control, satisfaction, and options that are much harder to come by if one works for someone else.

At some point (often several points) in each person’s life, he or she is confronted with a decision that has far-reaching implications.  Do you stay in school or get a job, get married, get divorced, move to a new city, have children, start a business, take some time to travel throughout Europe, do volunteer work, change careers…the list is very long indeed.  My grandfather, who raised me, told me, “You don’t regret the things you do in life, you regret the things you don’t do.”  As you ponder these decisions, remember that the choices you make help define you.

I received a call from a client in California who was concerned about one of his outside salesmen.  The salesman had been given several accounts and was doing a good job of servicing those accounts but was not bringing in new business.  He appeared to be afraid to call on potential new customers.  His manager had offered to send him to sales training and public speaking courses but the salesman found a way to avoid taking the classes.

I told my client this story: There was a man who moved into a cave because he was afraid that mountain lions would attack him if he left the cave.  He had never seen a mountain lion but was sure that they were out there ready to pounce on him.  His friends tried to coax him out of the cave, explaining that there was no evidence of mountain lions in the area and even offering to teach him how to hunt mountain lions in the event that one appeared.  He still refused to leave the cave.  One day, the man heard a sound coming from the back of the cave.  The sound got louder and he looked toward the back of the cave, where he saw a grizzly bear ambling toward him.  He jumped up and ran out of the cave into the arms of his friends.  The real fear of the bear overcame the anxiety over the possible mountain lions.

So how does this relate to the salesman?  I suggested that the manager should try to shake the salesman out of his fear-induced comfort zone by one or more of the following methods.  First, the manager could reassign the accounts that had been given to the salesman, requiring him to find new business.  Second, the manager could alter the commission structure so that a lower commission was paid on existing business and a higher commission paid on new business.  Third, the manager could suggest that the salesman move into inside sales, where he would receive a salary that would be considerably lower than his possible commissions.  Finally, as a last resort, the manager could set sales goals that, if not met in the specified time period, would result in the salesman’s termination.

Is this the best way to inspire a salesman? No, but if a person is driven by fear, sometimes the only way for that person to overcome the fear is to make it more painful to keep doing what he has been doing than it is to make the changes that he knows in his heart will improve his professional life.

I am currently working on a project with a large non-profit in a major metropolitan area.  I’ve had a chance to interview the leadership team and have spent extensive time with the senior leadership group.  Throughout these discussions, I have seen and felt the passion about the mission of the organization in every member of the organization, from the CEO to the administrative staff.  This is something I see much less frequently in private sector organizations, where profit can override purpose.

I believe that every organization would do well to emulate the values of this non-profit, to emphasize helping others, making a positive difference, and inspiring others to move beyond what is and to reach for what can be.

Sound idealistic?  Maybe, but what’s wrong with a little idealism?  Each one of us is capable of making a positive impact on others; by developing a product or service that makes a customer’s job easier, more efficient, or more profitable, by being helpful and courteous to those with whom we come into contact, by setting a good example for our friends and coworkers, by listening when someone has something they want to say, by passing on your wisdom and experience through a mentoring relationship, or just by realizing the impact that you have on others.

Wondering where to start?  Why not decide that tomorrow you will make one person’s day better by having come into contact with you?  Why not help a coworker with a project he or she is having difficulty with?  Why not provide a customer with that little bit extra that goes beyond your usual excellent service?  Why not call a friend or family member who might be cheered by the sound of your voice?  These simple acts cost little or nothing but pay huge dividends.  So…why not?

A publicly traded publishing company was concerned about who would succeed the founder and CEO, who wanted to transition into retirement.  Since the company was a long-standing client of The Company Psychologist, much of the groundwork had already been completed by systematically identifying the four senior executives who had the capability and desire to take on additional leadership responsibilities.  A two year plan was developed that contained the following elements:

1. An in-depth psychological assessment
2. A 360 degree feedback process to identify how each person was perceived by superiors, peers, and team members
3. Each executive was provided with a series of structured leadership experiences and was rated on his or her performance.

A privately held regional investment firm was experiencing high turnover among its new investment advisors and invited The Company Psychologist to evaluate the organization and its selection processes.  After determining the mission, vision, values, and goals of the organization, collecting critical data both from highly successful and less successful investment advisors, and evaluating the process being used to select investment advisors, The Company Psychologist developed a selection system that targeted three critical success factors for that firm.  The firm teamed with The Company Psychologist to implement the selection process and within two years increased the percentage of new investment advisors who met or exceeded first year goals from 15% to 50%.  A year later, an international investment firm acquired the investment firm.